I bought Burnout Paradise’s Big Surf Island pack on sheer principle. I had dumped 80 hours into Burnout Paradise over a year ago, 100%’d everything but a handful of the online races and, generally, I enjoyed every second of it. Repetition didn’t matter and trying to get a 40+ multiplier in a stunt run was one of the hardest, zen-requirement things I’ve ever done in a videogame. I took another ride with the Bikes Update, which I completed in its entirety, but I got off the train once the DLC started costing money. I wasn’t opposed to purchasing it, I was impressed with the free content thought they could stand to make some scratch, but I was pretty much “done” with the game unless they were adding planes in the rumored Eastwood update. Or if the island pack every came out.

Well, the island pack came out, and I bought it on principle. Ten seconds in, when I was greeted by the cool looking but sonically challenged (was the audio sample on that engine in like 64kpps?) dune buggy, and I was wondering what the hell I just spent twelve dollars on. I had taken so much time off of Burnout, I wasn’t even sure what the hell I was supposed to be doing. Billboards and Gates seemed sort of interested, and I vaguely remembered racing at every traffic light, but what else was there to do in the game?

A couple monster jumps later and I was fine; Burnout is a racing game with platforming tendencies, and incredible sense of speed, and a steadfast allegiance to sheer automotive nonsense. And every one of those distinct qualities is alive and well on Big Surf Island. A clever redux and amplification of the famous beach ramps, parking garage launching points, a donut hole to jump through, and a fucking ski jump in the middle of a tropical island where all there and waiting. The entire area was constructed with nothing but love from Criterion, clearly evident with a focus on fun and mayhem, rather than thematic coherence. Sure, the vacation theme was prevalent and the audio cues were a nice “surfs up dude” touch, but the whole place was basically one huge playground.

And it was fun while it lasted. In about three hours time I managed to clear most of the events. Event Tour, or whatever, appeared to be a new mode or included in one of the recent updates I never downloaded (I had to download five updates when I bought Big Surf). It was basically like a time trail consisting of a jump focused (mostly) guided route off the main streets, which was a nice change of pace. I aced all of the races, marked men, and takedown races, but I didn’t even touch the stunt runs. Doing that shit again, specifically trying to drive backwards to my old route (which I will never forget) rather than carve out a new route on the island wasn’t my idea of fun. I also found all the billboards, all but three gates, and two jumps. Getting the micro Delorean was a nice bonus, especially since I never shelled out for the real thing, but it was a novelty at best.

Good stuff, Criterion, but I still want planes!